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Aside

To the last person without an iPod…

Hey, Bob. Can we call you Bob? No? Robert then. Fine, Mr. Stechmesser. Look, turns out you’re the last hold-out. You’re literally the only person we can find who doesn’t own an mp3 player and, well, we’re checking to see what you’re going to do to remedy that.

You could certainly do worse than this refurbished Apple 32GB iPod touch. It’s the current gen model, it’s got plenty of memory for those John Hiatt albums you like so much, and you could run apps-

Oh, sorry. There are these things called apps. They’re like little computer programs. Most of them are just wastes of time but you can find neat things too. You can even take pictures or video. Yes, just like the perfectly good camera you already have. Well, not quite as good as a decent camera. But that’s beside the point.

Look, Mr. Stechmesser: the sooner you give in and buy one of these things the sooner Apple will achieve their goal of world domination and the sooner we can stop having to sell their junk because everyone will already have it. Or we can keep up with the current plan: waiting for any hold outs to die off naturally.

Aside

The Dreamfiles, Ep 4: Bees, Bathrooms and Mafia

From the outside I walked past some Yogi Bear-type campers and at the back of their camp site… at the back of their camp site I opened a hidden doorway. As I did one of the campers loudly exclaimed in Get Smart’s voice “the old wet paint on the hidden stick trick!”

At the door, another person yelled to me, whom I fell in after and discovered what he was yelling to me about. We’d falled into a large beehive of anthropomorphic bees. They had even made furniture with honeycomb and beeswax. All of the dozens…hundreds of bees over several rooms were friendly, but, fear-inducing just from their appearance.

After finally entering the main complex and descending several more flights of stairs I came to the bottom of one flight of stairs and all that was there was a singular metal door, opening it up I entered a huge public restroom with several stalls and showers on the opposing side. It was at that point I remember “feeling” buried alive and thinking no matter what I didn’t want to die underground.

No sooner had I thought that then two mafia men came bursting into the bathroom with guns looking for me. I pulled some women’s clothes from one of the shower’s (apparently it was a unisex bathroom) and slipped out past them, discarding the costume in one of the corridors.

Aside

Obama’s Birth Certificate

That old chestnut is back again [1] [2]. You know, a lot of folks are getting all railed up and angry that people are asking for Obama’s birth certificate. One commenter on MSNBC going so far as to say: “you’re all just a bunch of ignorant, racist, bigots, plain and simple.”

The thing is tho, Obama could stop this in one quick move; by presenting a birth certificate. I mean, he should want this to stop, right? So, if he really was born in the US why is showing off proof of that seem impossible to him. I mean, there is never really any attempt made to just prove it, but rather to attack those who ask.
Now, I’m not an American and don’t care if their president is an American. But, from the outside looking in it seems to be people are getting very defensive and avoiding the issue that given his behavior we can be pretty sure he doesn’t have a US birth certificate. Now, the only question is, did he ever?